Review of Baker’s Mentoring—A Complex Relationship

Barker, E. (2006). Mentoring—A complex relationship. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 18(2), 56-61.

Baker’s Abstract: To address the process of mentoring the advanced practice nurse (APN) and provide suggestions for the formulation, implementation, and termination of the relationship. Data sources: Research studies from nursing as well as other disciplines and personal experience as a mentor and protégé . Conclusions: Mentoring is a dynamic and complex relationship that can support growth, increase synergy, and develop ways to succeed as an APN. Before entering into the relationship, care should be taken to assure compatibility between the mentor and the protégé´ . Major pitfalls include poor communication patterns and inadequate identification of objectives. Keys for repair or termination of the relationship include personal introspection, honest and nonblaming communication, and development of alternative support networks. Implications for practice: Successful mentoring relationships improve professional growth, competency, and productivity. They also form the basis for ongoing preparation of a new generation of APNs.

The Author believes that this article is important to students of Adult Learning due to the specific focus of mentoring as a tool for creating a learning environment and career advancement. This article focuses on a unique profession, Advanced Practice Nurses (APN) or Nurse Practitioners (NP). Unique because they were working as RNs while continuing their formal education to become APNs; crossing the lines of what Human Resource Development (HRD) defines as traditional learning and adult learning. For those studying Adult Learning Baker’s article offers insight into a profession that begins clinical practice as a novice, but with the work history of an expert. So how does someone who has practical experience and formal education enter into a profession and continue the momentum of learning? Baker expresses the benefits of mentorship as one possibility. She explores the definition of the mentoring relationship and how to build a foundation for this arrangement. This article is of particular interest to the author due to its relative continent to his profession as a recruiter for Advanced Practice Nurses, and as Baker points out, "Although mentoring of the undergraduate nursing

student has been well explored, the mentoring of the advanced practice nurse (APN), particularly after graduation, is not well documented in the literature (2006)."

Baker begins her article by stating, "Mentoring is a process designed to bridge the gap between the educational process and the real-world experience." She provides some history of mentoring, pointing out that one of the first descriptions of the mentoring process is found in Homer’s Odyssey where the transformation from boy to man of Odysseus’ son, Telemachus, is lead by Athene and is used as an allegory for the process of maturing and taking command of difficult situations (Baker references Lattimore, 1965). Mentoring is further described as a planned relationship between an experienced person and one who has less experience for the purpose of achieving identified outcomes (Dorsey & Baker, 2004). Baker (2006) states that, "In nursing, mentoring has been defined as a situation that promotes personal and professional development in which general well-being is enhanced, synergy is increased, new insights are gained."

Baker justifies the need for her article by stating that in nursing mentoring is often not a formalized process, and referenced that Marquis and Houston (2000) contend most nurses will be lucky if they have one or two true mentors in their entire career. A study by Freeman (2004), referenced by Baker, of 565 APNs entering into the clinical setting after graduation; only 35% reported they had been assigned mentors, 6% were sought by a mentor, 23% of the APNs sought a mentor, and17% indicated that they entered into a mentoring relationship by ‘‘chance.’’ One interesting fact of the study showed that 19% of the APN’s were unable to identify the genesis of the mentoring relationship. And yet, despite the low percentages of APNs who began their practice in a mentoring relationship the study proved these mentored APNs were, "better able to meet the primary care system’s productivity demands (Freeman 2004)."

Baker then describes a mentoring relationship as being different than the relationship with a preceptor or physician consultant. She states that the later two are more short-term in duration and differ in the overall purpose of the relationship. Although commonalities do exist such as a neophyte learning from one with greater experience, the mentoring relationship is said by Baker to be one where a APN learns a particular procedure or skill and then moves on to another preceptor to learn yet another aspect of clinical practice. And, the physician consultant is said by Baker to be, in most cases, a regulatory agreement for the purpose of state compliance and not a relationship of directing one practitioner to become more advanced in clinical skills.

The article then discusses the need to set up proper expectations for the mentoring relationship and matching a mentee and mentor. An important element of the expectation for

success is that the mentoring relationship is a bidirectional undertaking that should include the review of influences of a mentoring dyad created in 1983 by D. E. Kram. The dyad’s critical influences are, interpersonal expertise, ability to communicate, and listening skills of

both parties. Baker’s article explains how one might go about preparing for a successful mentoring relationship maintaining that communication and one’s attitude are key. She summarizes that skillful communication, mutual commitment, and a willingness to support mutual growth are important components of successful relationships. Baker takes the discussion a bit further by addressing what to do if the mentoring relationship has become problematic. Outlining the major pitfalls as poor matching of the dyad, lack of expertise, poor communication patterns and inappropriate identification of the objectives and expectation for the relationship by either the mentor or mentee.

In her conclusion, Baker states, "mentoring is a dynamic and complex relationship that has the potential for increased synergy and successful personal and professional development." But she warns that before entering into the partnership the practitioners should identify and mutually agreed upon expectations.

From the author’s perspective there are many practical applications within this article. It is written by an Advanced Practice Nurse who is a the director of a family nurse practitioner program at the Ohio State University College of Nursing in Columbus, OH and from the perspective of one who has practiced in a clinical setting as a novice and is still practicing in the clinic today. Her perspectives enhance the practical applications of her report, starting with informing the reader of what a mentorship is to a Nurse Practitioner and how it is not a preceptorship or a physician consultant relationship. Baker’s defining characteristics are incredibility helpful in determining if the relationship has been established in the model of a mentorship stating, mentoring relationship is a, "bidirectional undertaking," with defined expectations for the outcome of the relationship. Addressing that it is not short-term in nature, yet mentorships are not appropriate for environments where continued employment is desired.

Baker’s article is one of the best overviews of mentorship reviewed by the author, in that she covers the relationship from start to finish and what is needed to build the relationship in the right way. Baker’s complete assessment even includes a section devoted to identifying a mentorship that is not working, and what to do about it in order to salvage a positive relationship and any desired results from the mentoring relationship.

Perhaps one of the most beneficial aspects of Baker’s article is that she identifies the role of both the mentor and the mentee, describing the attributes of each and how both mentors and mentees can contribute to the success or failure of the mentorship. The author found Baker’s discussion of matching the mentor and mentee using the dyad. She outlines the characteristics or attitudes to avoid in mentors and mentees. This information is excellent for practitioners of Adult Learning to identify the red flags of mentors or mentees who have the wrong attitudes or perceive the relationship for something other than what it is meant for.

Lastly the author believes that Baker could have improved upon the article by providing some of her own case studies describing a situation where a mentorship was a success and another where it was a failure. Baker could build upon her efforts by offering original research and reporting her own findings more that referencing the works of others.

Baker does offer a foundation for many opportunities for HRD professionals and Advanced Practitioners. Research opportunities could include effects of mentorships on the learning environment, the success ratios of practitioners who are mentored compared to those who were not mentored, and perhaps even further exploration of the differences between the relationships of mentorships and that preceptorship and physician consultation.

by Blake Moser

Advanced Practice Recruiters

888-812-3452 ext. 707

[Via http://midlevelrecruiters.wordpress.com]

Why do girls go to Mainstream Porn from Alt Porn?

I’m really curious to know why some girls “sellout” for lack of a better word and go from being alt porn girls to changing the way they look and dress so they can be mainstream porn workers.

I can understand if change your style because it was a phase you were going through or you just change your style.

But I’m wondering about the girls who change their look for work.Sort of the way you have people who hide their tattoos or piercings or whatnot for a professional job.

The thing that makes me curious is I just wonder if they get something out of the change from a business standpoint.

To me it would make it harder to go from a alt porn worker to a mainstream one.It’s sort of the big fish in a big sea thing.

Like if I decided I’d make mainstream dolls and have to get into competing with Barbie.Yes in theory you could stand to make more from it but the chance for it to happen is almost non existent.

Of course I’m sure it is better for some girls from a business standpoint because most alt anything or anybody is broke ass and I’m sure mainstream porn at least pays girl enough to almost pay half the rent that month.

Again I’m just curious about why some girls make the change.

[Via http://uglyshyla.wordpress.com]

Trying To Get Out A Rant While Cartoons Distract

As my son watches Fairly Oddparents, I try my best to stay focused on the computer screen.  It is very distracting, Vikki the babysitter has an evil laugh that pops out frantically every few seconds, as she destroys the town of Dimsdale.  She becomes mayor because she loses her job as a babysitter, then becomes president and then runs the world.  So now I take it that Timmy is going to wish her to be his babysitter again… poor kid.  And that is what he did, for the good of many!

This is how easily distracted I am.  What the hell was this blog going to be about?

Oh yeah, I went to the clinic last Wednesday (for the maternity appointment).  It was a long day.  They took blood and urine and (cue evil music) did the dreaded “womanly check up”.   They asked me so many questions, of which some I did not know the answer so all I could say was not as far as I know…. and shrug a little bit.  I think the worst of all was the glucose test.  They hand you a little bottle of syrupy liquid and tell you to chug it… and then an hour later they check your blood sugar.  Well I passed that test, barely.  So I take it that my intake of sugar might have to be monitored, because I love me some sugar!!!  Basically the appointment went pretty well.

I have been working, babysitting for my sister in law.  Two kids– might as well practice since I will have another at the end of this year.  My son isn’t in school yet because his birth certificate still has not made it to me, I am trying to patiently wait for the mail. Not that I have much of a choice, but these hormones make everything that much more intolerable!!! argh!  The craziest emotional shit that’s happened so far is my reaction to running out of sugar for my coffee… I wont elaborate, I will only say it was not good.  Luckily, my logic does not completely elude me.  I manage to calm myself before I look like a complete idiot.  But I am not sure how long I can keep the little hormonal buggers from ruling.  It’s like fighting the dark side (cue Darth Vader breathing sound).

Now Spongebob Squarepants dances across the television screen while Mr. Crabs is freaking out about a penny.  I find it hilarious that this show is so popular.  So while I hear the screams and singing of Spongebob, my family already starts asking me for favors.  As soon as they wake up, that is what I hear…. People certainly have no shame around here.  The funniest, and I don’t mean funny haha, is that I never get any favors from these people.  Here is an example, I had an expensive coin collection, one which I had asked my sister to keep an eye on while I was gone, and now its missing.  Favor incomplete.  Same with all of my stuff that I left here, its trashed.  My car, destroyed.  And even though all this has happened they still expect me to do shit for them.  This does not compute.  Ha! I would if they have shown some sort of, I dunno, respect for any of my shit… maybe then I would be willing to help.  And yes, I know that being this way out of spite is not very nice of me.  But this is my character, I treat others the way they treat me.  For as long as I have been here, I have put money into these people here, helped with gas and bought food and such, and no fucking gratitude.  So forgive me if I am not that excited about helping anyone anymore.

I now have more on my plate than I expected, and cannot be bending over for everyone when I have so much to think about.  My family is growing, I have to be able to take care of us, my guy is working and we are trying to get our life together.  Don’t get me wrong I would love to help, simply because I like helping as long as people appreciate it.  But I can not keep giving and giving while it takes away from me and my family.  I have these things to think about.  Not only that, we have drama to deal with, all the while trying to keep the peace with certain individuals so that the fighting does not commence.  We, my guy and I, have things to work on. We are getting our vehicle fixed, have parole fees, have a baby momma on the side to keep the peace with for the sake of the child, have a baby on the way, are both working and trying to save… WE HAVE A LOT MORE THAN ANYONE CARES TO TAKE NOTICE OF.  So fuck those that want to be selfish, its our turn to be selfish to get our life together.  And then, when we get on our feet, we will think about sharing the goodness.  IS THAT SO FUCKING WRONG????

[Via http://drusjournal.wordpress.com]

Well ... Well... Mr. Napolean Rodgers....BVF aka Black Vagina Finder

It seems as if the notorious BVF (Black Vagina Finder) from GFY.com doesn’t hide as well as he would like. This information has fallen into my hands through one of his trusted GFY buddies who was dying to sell him out. It seems as Napolean seems to think that since Dirty D will be facing charges for shooting a 17 year old that he will now own the bottom of the barrel sites. Guess what Napolean? The same person who did not like Dirty D does not like you either. Oh yeah. Say Hi to Bill Cosby for me when he sues your wannabe gangsta ass for using his trademarked image in conjunction with false endorsement.

Oh wait…. lemme share the information first.

Our fuck up contestant of the week currently hails from Milwaukee, WI and claims to be a 1993 graduate of Howard University. Napoleon hails from the shit hole known as Buchtel High School where he claims have graduated with a diploma in 1989. This thug contestant currently has an upcoming birthday of May 6, 1971. When he is not working on his “street cred” in the hood or videotaping himself having sex with women that no one else ever considered while intoxicated or for obscenely large amounts of money he keeps himself occupied honing his skills in the criminal world.

Let’s take a look at this contestant’s rap sheet.

Wow, that Howard degree is paying off big time there Kanye. Drug charge with intent to distribute. Way to raise that street cred there homey!

Nice to see the drug theme continue! Keep it up New Jack!!!!

How does one get criminal with a windshield? Congrats on that one playa. I think Ike Turner would be shocked with that one.

Nothing raises street cred like a big of helping of domestic violence. Combined with the previous drug charges, this ain’t no wannabe balla, this is straight up pussified poser!

Ohhh use of former owner plates. You cheap fuck. I thought you was real homey. Making the big bucks, being “king of your niche”. Banging broads that could not get laid in a prison full of lifers!!! You slippin dawg!

Now no street certified thug would be complete without a drug abuse card. Man homey, some playahs rock the ganja but it looks like the ganja rocked you! What a fine example you have set for Nalani and Nia. How will you feel if they one day grow up and end on some other brotha’s black vagina finder site? I am sure you are already a disappointment to Sondra and Sterling. Yeah right about now you are saying “What the fuck? How did homey get all this info?”  Like Dirty D, you got enemies Yo!!!!

Play on Player! Next time keep your mouth shut and don’t try defending accused child pornographers. I suggest you get those records in order because you already have one violation in not putting 2257 compliant information.

[Via http://adultindustrytruth.wordpress.com]

NEW JDM PACKAGE RECIEVED!!

I have been REALLY out of the EBBRO JDM Diecast scene for awhile. But I finally made a HUGE catch up purchase last week. Surprisingly the package arrived in less than 10 days. I spent most of my day yesterday oogling over them and photographing them. For now you can have a family shot. But shortly each individual car will be posted.

[Via http://justjdm.wordpress.com]

The infiltration begins Part 3

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You wanted the truth....

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Holiday costumes for adults.

Any conductor, a politician, a pilot or a driver in the most pleasant moments of his life to remember who he wanted to be a child. Someone wanted to become a Captain, who is a Police, and others wanted to become a fairy heroes and bring people happiness and joy, as Spider Girl Sassy Adult Costume.

Any adult policeman, salesman, teacher in childhood dream to become a Fireman or Captain Swashbuckler. He still remembers how at the feast of his mother dressed in a suit Air Force Brat, or Detective and he was the most beautiful in the world. And, as an adult, he dresses up as a holiday, to feel like a kid again.

In such happy days and now you want to attract attention, to be the most beautiful and best in the world. And this is the right time for the transfiguration in Neverland Fairy or Aurora, and, possibly, so you no longer like Jester Adult Plus Costume. Carnival costumes will give you a feel unique and the only ones to attract the attention of others and to experience the admiring glances.

[Via http://tonibartson.wordpress.com]

Biotch?!

The company that I work for has several offices throughout the U.S. We work very closely with one office in Chicago…we have weekly teleconferences, ad hoc meetings via phone whenever we need them and we’re constantly emailing back and forth.  I work closely with one of the project managers (though I have never met her face to face…we’ll call her X).

I told my supervisor (who works in my office) and X which days I would be taking for PTO. About a week before I was scheduled for my PTO, I changed my flight and planned on leaving 2 days earlier than I had originally planned. I told my supervisor, who OKayed the change/early departure. It slipped my mind to update X about all of this so when I was on a conference call (with multiple people) she asked which days I planned on being out of the office. I updated her with my new plans and she responded, “you little biotch, you never told me you were leaving early.”

Biotch?!?!?!? Look X, I’m not your 15 year old daughter nor have I even met you. This is what happens when “adults” try too hard…you basically just called me a bitch.

- you don’t know me like that

[Via http://wackosintheworkplace.wordpress.com]

Insect metamorphosis: a four-way Chinese anagram

For ambigrams based on reflection and rotation, natural word choices include mirror, symmetry, left/right, up/dn, etc. With Chinese anagrams, though, different words are formed by rearranging the same components, and especially appropriate word sets would be those that reflect that idea. Insect metamorphosis — the seemingly impossible process by which the constituent parts of a mealworm or caterpillar are reassembled into a beetle or butterfly — is what came to mind. First I created a Chinese anagram of larva/pupa, which was an obvious and easy one. Then I realized that with a few modifications I could add adult to the mix — and then I noticed that, by pure serendipity, I could get egg as well with no re-working of the couch!*

So here it is — the complete holometabolic cycle visualized as a Chinese anagram:

Chemistry is another field with some very appropriate subject matter for Chinese anagrams — phases of matter, chemical reactions, that sort of thing. And of course there’s always Ovid.

[Via http://wmjasambigrams.wordpress.com]

Asian Chick Hardcore

106 MB – 32 Min

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[Via http://fxjav.wordpress.com]

The Hentai factor

For quite some time I have been crafting adult artwork in graphite and digital color, it has been years actually. I was never good a hiding it, and that was never the point (in fact if you dig around a little, you easily find my work), it’s discreet but not hidden. Nevertheless if your clients know that you are a sort of an hentai illustrator, it is bad for business. I don’t know if this happen in your country, but here people are more conservative than most, and that pressure does make me very very unhealthy.

You know that story, the one where the society abroad clutches the free minds. The story that tells us that no mass of living corpses will have to dictate what you are. Arthur Schopenhauer once wrote that in order to be like others, we usually give up 3/4 of ourselves, and it’s damn true. But do not interpret me wrong, I do not use these words against the established society and its perennial codex of unspoken rules that accompany us since times immemorial. In fact these are words to explain you what I feel, and I feel I have been clutched. Which I have been, beyond fucking recognition.

What happens when you hold a spring tight and then suddenly let it go? Exactly.

So why write about this now? Now my adult art has reached a point that I look and say that it has some quality in it. It’s not perfect, I still have a long way to go, but it’s getting a lot better. Now I have an opportunity to get better at this and I’m going to grab it. I really don’t care because if I express myself better through naked bodies and explicit sex, that is what I’m going to do.

Keep all your strings for you.

[Via http://xeoncat.wordpress.com]

Double Cross by James David Jordan

Taylor is a former Secret Service agent.  At the beginning of the book her and Kacey(prominent televangelist Simon Mason’s daughter) go to Simon’s top assistant to confront her about embezzling money from the ministry. When they arrive at the woman’s house they discover her dead in her car with the engine running. An apparent suicide.

Taylor hasn’t seen her mother in 20 years. She walked out on her and her father when she was 9. Her mother arrives on her doorstep out of the blue. Taylor is wanting a relationship with her mother, but her mother really doesn’t know how to be a mom.

Amidst trying to find out who actually embezzled the money Taylor meets up with a reporter that is working on a case involving a prostitution ring that may actually hit a little bit too close to home.

Double Cross is full of action and suspense that kept me turning the pages. I’m a little confused about why it would be considered a Christian book. Was it clean? Yes, there was no foul language. There was a brief mention of sex. Was there redemption? I think that it was vaguely implied but a salvation message was not clear. James David Jordan writes a very fast-paced story that is very entertaining and one that I would recommend to other readers.

[Via http://gravesok.wordpress.com]

A Brief History Of Vibrators.

I learned something today.

Did you know that the vibrator was the fifth household appliance to be electrified.  It was invented in the 1880’s, to treat a medical condition, known either as “congestion of the genitalia” or “Female Hysteria”

From Wikipedia. “For centuries, doctors had been treating women for these illnesses by performing what we would now recognize as masturbation. However, not only did they regard the “vulvular stimulation” required as having nothing to do with sex, but reportedly found it time-consuming and hard work”

Those poor doctors!!  I can just see it now.

“Another Doctor’s bill darling?  Are you unwell, that’s the fourth time this week!”

“I know sweetheart, I am feeling a little poorly, but the Doctor works hard, and I do feel better after seeing him”

“Well what does he do to you?”

“Stimulates my vulva and genitals, until I feel a release of tension.”

“Rather him than me, poor hard-working bastard…”

Again, from Wikipedia: The home versions soon became extremely popular, with advertisements in periodicals such as Needlecraft, Woman’s Home Companion, Modern Priscilla, and the Sears, Roebuck catalog. These disappeared in the 1920s, apparently because their appearance in pornography made it no longer tenable for polite society to avoid the sexual connotations of the devices.

Awesome!!  I laughed a lot during this article!!

There are links also to Wank Week.  I think that this event is worthy of inclusion in the Olympics!  Have a read, it is wonderful stuff!!  Absolutely Gripping!!

Let me know if you are interested in participating in Wank Week, and we will see if we can set something up.

Love Chiquita

x

www.cheapsextoys.co.nz

No Complaints, Only Moans.

[Via http://cheapsextoysonline.wordpress.com]

Three Little Birds

I began this blog as a way to keep track of my “transitory” period. This time between college and joining the real adult world. Nobody really prepares you for how difficult this time is – especially given the economic state we’ve found ourselves in.

I’m still in transition. Working full-time, Monday through Friday 9-6, commuting an average of one hour each direction. Living at home with my parents.

Lots of ups and downs. Some days are better than others.

Some days I really miss college – my apartment, my lifestyle, my friends, Athens. (Today is one of those days.)

Some days I feel like I can’t take this anymore. Working an office job, the commute, very little social life. Almost no free time during the week.

Some days I remember that I’m still young and don’t currently have bills to worry about. And sometimes I want to run off and see the world for a few years.

It’s difficult not to get run down by the daily grind. I just have to keep telling myself everything will be alright. Repeat after me: Everything will be alright.

[Via http://livingintransition.wordpress.com]

Bedroom-audi:heru

gambaran yg saya mau : ada cowok,sdkt ndut rambut pendek rapi, sedang tidur mengenakan kaos oblong putih & celana pendek biru kotak2. nah, di dpn bed nya ada mobil audy hitam trus di atas kap mobilnya nyender seorang cewek rambut pendek sebahu, langsing, sambil memegang bantal bertuliskan Love. kl bs tambahin meja d samping bed nya trus datas meja ad laptop & kamera.. 

btw mblny tetep y mb Audy wrn hitam dgn plat mobil

H   3   RU  

jd tema ceritanya : seorang cowo yg sedang tertidur pulas d kmr tdrny & bermimpi seorang cwe yg berdiri/bersandar d atas kap mobil. hihi..narsis amat y mb..;p.

 btw utk ucapannya, dtulis : Happy b’day akang Heru.. wish u’re dreams come true like this cake..

[Via http://coklatchic.wordpress.com]

Eggless Chocolate Cupcakes

Buat yg alergi telur atau vegetarian? Don’t worry, you can still eat delicious cupcakes or cakes

Sebenernya bukan yg mau dkasih cupcakes ini yg alergi tp mba Olivia yg order cupcakes ini udah wanti2 jauh hari sebelumnya, bisa gak buat coklat cupcakes yg gak pake telur, soalnya mba Olivia ini alergi ma telur,makan dikit aja yg ada telurnya lgsg alergi deh.. Aku jawab: pasti bisa dooonnngggg hhehehe..

Voilà.. Jadi deh, cukup dhias dgn cream cheese frosting n strawberries

Oia,ada tambahan 3 buah Thomas cupcakes utk ponakan2 mba Olivia..

Trus dapet PM: kuenya enaakkk, mantab hehe, thank you, mba

Foto nyusul..

[Via http://crazeforcuppies.wordpress.com]

Submission

For love

I beat myself with a wooden spoon

On command

Bound nylon cord around out stretched hands

For love

Gorian bow on broken glass

Cast my demons in clothes pins

Pinned to nips and lips

For love

Sweated away the hours convulsed in nightmares

Compared myself to Persephone

Enraged, encaged in darkness

I cut myself

For love

Caught the blood in a cup with a Celtic design

Didn’t mind the pain

It reminded me of my love for you.

[Via http://janabarrett.wordpress.com]

Plushpootie Pussies @ etsy.com

Plush Pootie Pussies @ etsy.com

This is the cheapest, guilt-free pussy you’re likely to find.

These plush pussies are a unique gift idea or great for starting interesting conversations with guests at your house, making you laugh on a sad day, or make your mother roll her eyes at you.

Made from both recycled and new fabrics, these pussies are stuffed with poly-fil and sewn by both machine and by hand. These are hung up either with straight pins or can be placed over a clean nail – many of them have open ends on either side. They are about life-sized, some are a little larger, but they easily fit in the palm of your hand.

There are 11 Plush Pootie Pussies to choose from.

 

[Via http://nakedpassion.wordpress.com]

Maria Ozawa - Strip 4 Me

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[Via http://downloadmoviefree.wordpress.com]

Here comes your 19th nervous breakdown: exploring the collapse fantasy

Pretend for a moment that you have been captured by terrorists.  They shackle you up in their torture chamber, where you are confronted by their fiendish leader.

“So,” he sneers, “Are you going to cooperate?  Or are we going to have to make you cooperate?”  And he emits an evil cackle.

At this juncture, you are faced with two options:

Behave nobly, and stubbornly refuse to have any part in this travesty; or

Break down and sob like a child.

I suspect you’ve played this scenario through your mind at one time or another.  Hollywood represents our collective unconscious, or at least our collective imagination, and this set-up arises with predictable regularity in action thrillers (including every James Bond movie ever made).  It seems sensible enough to ask yourself what you would do in this situation, all the while knowing perfectly well  you’ll never know for sure (unless – god forbid – it ever happened.)

The real question is – why do those two options spring to mind as the only alternatives?

The answer is that you contain two selves – the adult and the child.  Under stress, you can either resist the urge to regress and stay conscious as an adult.  Or you can permit stress to regress you, go unconscious, and return to the young child.

It doesn’t take terrorists to trigger this voyage back to infancy.  The collapse fantasy, as I call it, lurks as a temptation in our minds most of the time.

One of my patients recently found himself on his knees, weeping and pleading with his partner to take him back.  Her response, as you might imagine, was mostly disgust and horror that this man she’d respected had collapsed before her eyes into a helpless child. His adult self might have realized you sometimes have to step away if you want someone to follow – but the child wanted what he wanted and was going to scream until he got it.  Needless to say, it didn’t work.

Later, filled with remorse, he told me he didn’t know what came over him.  When a patient tells me something like that – some version of “I don’t know what came over me” – I know he’s describing unconscious behavior.  And when we go unconscious, the child – and the collapse fantasy – tends to take over.

Once the child’s in charge, here’s how things operate:

He experiences solitude as abandonment.  An infant abandoned even for a moment in his cradle, if he registers the slightest need for care, will scream as though in mortal danger.  For all he knows, he is.  He is utterly dependent.

He goes victim and broadcasts his upset.  He perceives his scream as his only means for survival.

He is impulsive and pleasure-seeking.  He wants what he wants.  Now.  Put a shiny toy in front of an infant – he wants the shiny toy.

Essentially, the child is an infant – your earliest incarnation. The temptation to regress into that infant state is strong because it reproduces a time when you received total attention and care.  All you had to do was register your desires – any impulsive desire – and it would be satisfied.  Mom would come running – someone would come running – if you only yelled loudly enough.

My client, stressed by his partner’s stated desire to leave the relationship, succumbed to the temptation to regress, and began relating to his partner as an infant to a parent – weeping, crying, begging for the care he needed.  He entirely forgot her needs – which only drove her further away.

The collapse fantasy haunts us – especially when we’re under stress.  In fact, “nervous breakdown” is a code word for the collapse fantasy in action.  That’s when you announce you are overwhelmed and can’t take it anymore – you are giving up…and they cart you away to the looney bin. I’ve run into this syndrome mostly with younger patients – adolescents or people in their early twenties.  They “lose it” and do something crazy, or make a half-hearted suicide attempt – whatever it takes to end up in a mental hospital.  At that point, in the vast majority of cases, they realize they’ve made a mistake (mental hospitals are not relaxing places.)  That’s when they begin to see that the collapse fantasy doesn’t work as a life strategy.  The help you really want – mommy – doesn’t arrive.

Why does the collapse fantasy present such a strong temptation? Consider the trajectory of your life, for a moment, in terms of loss.  As you grew out of childhood, the first, profoundest loss was the total, unqualified attention of a parent.  Have you ever watched a young child at a playground calling for his mother to watch him do some trick on the jungle gym?   “Mommy.  Mommy.  Mommy!  Mommy!!  MOMMY!!!  MOMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!!!”  …until she finally breaks off her conversation, turns, and acknowledges him with a wave.

As adults, we have to parent ourselves, and assume responsibility for our own needs (as well, perhaps as the needs of our children and even our parents.)  That can feel overwhelming.  It’s no wonder we unconsciously long for a return to the past.

The good news is that adulthood brings benefits as well as losses.  It’s a trade-off in some respects, but independence can be sweet.  It feels good to make your own decisions, and rely on your own judgment. If you’re not busy screaming for someone else’s attention all the time, you can begin focusing attention on yourself – and give yourself the care you need.

[Via http://thepeoplestherapist.com]

Numbers to You by Lisa Arias

Four hours and 34 minutes is the time it took me to get to you on a beautiful Friday night.  You offered to drive because you knew I had been on what seemed like an endless road to you for over four hours.  And, I can remember how you made 17 turns on our way to the Southern most point of the U.S.  Being there with you felt so natural as I sensed five spirits floating around us while we sat there, smoking a blunt.  And, I heard 2,047 waves crash on the rocks next to where we sat as you offered to ride me on your back to climb them.  I counted 167 stars while you spoke to your brother on the phone.  And, I was so intrigued by the sound of your tongue…

While we sat on that little corner of the island, 13 cars drove past us, each and every time blinding me with their headlights. And, I felt exactly 1,723 butterflies flapping their wings in my belly when I wrapped my arms around you as we sat on the beach – traffic going past us. I felt 7,323,206 grains of sand tickle my toes as I sat gently on you feeling you filling me.  I could feel 8, 357, 127 goose pumps all over me when I received your release.

As we laid, flying high, I kissed you good night and realized that I had kissed you 89 times between the time I arrived and the moment I would fall asleep.  I woke up next to you for the 17th time and made love to you for the 58th time that morning.  We ascended 88 steps to the top of the lighthouse that you insisted we climb.  And, in the 20 minutes that we roamed the flea market on our way back to Miami, you picked up the most beautiful ring.  There are 15 amber beads on that ring I wear with each bead representing the number of times that I will recall the 3 times you called out my name when we got back on the road.

There are 844,800 feet keeping me from laying my head on your chest to listen to your heartbeat 76 times per minute.  There are 25,749,440 centimeters preventing me from wrapping myself around all 74 inches, 210 pounds of you at this very moment.

Last night, as we spoke on the phone for exactly 34 minutes and 56 seconds, I couldn’t help but release 498 tears as I realized that the truth of our relationship is the closest thing to impossible that I’ll ever have.  And, on my 23-minute ride to work this morning, I realized for the first time that I have to be grateful for the 4 months that I’ve been given with you.  When I hung up my phone after hearing you say that you’ll be driving into Miami tonight, I came to the realization that although you and I will never be together, there is only one man in this entire universe that will ever truly have my heart.  And,  I came to the conclusion that although I’ll love again, there is only one man that I want to lie next to when I’m laid to rest.  So, when I kiss your lips good bye, know in your heart that there is one woman out in the world that will love you into your next lifetime and the many more thereafter.  Know that there is one woman who was willing to dedicate her entire lifetime to pleasing you.  Know that there is one woman who will love you until she closes her eyes for the last time.  Know that as I am taking my final breath, it will be your face that I will hold in my memory to take me into my next lifetime.

[Via http://lisaarias.wordpress.com]

Lesbian Vampire Killers

Release Date:20 March 2009 (UK) Genre:Action | Comedy | Horror   About

[Via http://blazinghotheater.wordpress.com]

2010 AVN Adult Video Awards

Shauna Sand

Sasha Grey

A couple of pictures from the 27th Annual AVN Awards in Las Vegas. The red carpet was small and the publicist handling the media for the red carpet was unprepared and it was a free for all when it came to media placements on the carpet. The Palms Hotel crew did a great job lighting the red carpet. There were 4 bank Kino Flo’s along the entire length of the carpet and 2 bank Kino Flo’s above and behind the carpet as accent lighting. I decided on shooting both camera’s available light since the lighting was so good.

It was a quick trip to Vegas.. Got there around Noon on Saturday and left @ 6:30am Sunday. I’ve said it once and i’ll say it again… I LOVE Vegas. Happy Thursday everyone.

[Via http://jerodharris.wordpress.com]

aggravating day

i had three people who were vampiring all my mental energy today, and i watch other people deal with teh same people and they’re just better at it. i’m no good at shit like this. i was reprimanded for my tone with a client. i’ve known since i’ve seen how this person operates that she woudl be a problem for me at work.

the point is, i came home and sat at the computer, staring, reading news stories, reading gossip, reading blogs, hiding from everyone because i can’t decompress from shit like that.

i guess tomorrow i will find out how much trouble i’m in for how i responded to the asshole. to be fair, everyone hates this person, so it’ll work to my advantage. people will at least understand why i put her in her place because they all want to as well, she’s notoriously high maintenance and stupid. i maintain, however, that it’s an act and she gets free shit by playing dumb. what i don’t get, and it’s how i deal with everyone, is why we don’t just cut her loose. all the accusations of us cheating her, all teh lying about us, all the complaints about losing money working with us, why not just say, i’m sorry it didn’t work out and let it go?

but that’s how i deal with everyone. see, when i am unhappy with a person or situation, i end the relationship. because i’m a grownup. i don’t complain incessantly, i bring up the issues once or twice, try to resolve them, and if they’re not resolved, i move on. i don’t subject the person to constant criticism  and accusations, i feel that it’s my responsibiiltty to make myself happy in the relationship. ergo, when i am unhappy, it’s my own damn fault.

and i expect people to do the same. i expect people to state what they want from me, give me a chance to say yes or no or i’ll give it a shot, and then make their decision on whether it’s working. so…. if you don’t like something about me, it’s a vast and wide world, lots of people to hang out with, to fuck, to do business with. sorry it didn’t work out.

i don’t ask for free shit from the businesses i work with. i don’t ask them  to accept responsibility for my mistakes. if i’m unhappy with a business, i find another one who does what i need. i have the freedom to work with whomever i please.

so when i’m expected to preserve a relationship that’s to my company’s disadvantage, i don’t really understand that. and i’m not likely to understand that at any point in the future. meaning, reprimands like i got today are likely to continue until i get fired. because when i get an email telling me i’m lying and cheating, my own sense of logic tells me that this person is going to find a company she likes better, which she can’t because we’re the best at what we do and we’re also the most accommodating to her nutjob shit. my gut tells me to tell her sorry it didn’t work out, and let her come back to me and tell me she’s she will pay what we charge. on time. and  i just don’t see a problem with that.

but now, i’m aggravated and my kid won’t go to sleep which means i can’t either, and i wish i could just shut everyone out and not have any stimulation but i can’t because i was aggravated by three people today.

and i’m sure i am one of those aggravating people, to some people, on one day or another. and if for that reason alone, i  really ought to be better at getting aggravated and letting it go.

[Via http://lucretiamyreflection.wordpress.com]

Once accepted, don't complain...

  Question:

I have been with my fiance for 4 years now, we are very in love, but his mother and sister are extremely different than us, what I mean by that is his sister has always been the favorite, she gets anything she wants from her mom everyday, by the way they live together. His mother and sister both treat me like I’m dirt, and I know they only tolerate me. They will literally ignore me when I’m around, I cannot take much more of this, what do I do?

   

Answer:

I’m not sure there is much you can do. If your boyfriend has known this for 4 years and done nothing about it, then you may want to rethink your marriage to him. If he has done something and they haven’t changed then you have a choice to make. You either tolerate it knowing that once married things will stay the same or this is a deal breaker. If you choose to marry then don’t complain about the behavior. It is something you can walk away from now. When you are married you shouldn’t walk away from it because you have made a committment.

[Via http://truthtellingshrink.wordpress.com]

Perverted! Moi? Surely Not!!

I was accused of being a pervert!  Specifically “A filthy fucking low perverted sex peddling whore, no better than an ordinary Jezebel wrecking homes and marriages.”

Wow.  Take a deep breath lady (and I use the term loosely), I sell sex toys.  To willing customers.  Male and female.  And I have never sold one to any of your family, I am sure of that!!

The problem with people like this is that they don’t enjoy sex, they see it as something dirty, to be kept inside, and not discussed.  Missionary position only or you will burn in hell!!!

Screw that shit.  I love sex.  I have fun with it, I like toys, I like girls, I like boys.

I’ll make a deal with all of you prudes out there.  You refrain from telling me what you think of me and my business, and I will refrain from telling you what I think of you.

Get laid, it’ll do you good.

To all the people who enjoy sex, with whomever your preference, welcome to my world.  Good sex rocks.  Bad sex rocks harder!

Just as long as all partners are willing, I’m into it.

How about you?

Love,

Chiquita

x

[Via http://cheapsextoysonline.wordpress.com]