i had three people who were vampiring all my mental energy today, and i watch other people deal with teh same people and they’re just better at it. i’m no good at shit like this. i was reprimanded for my tone with a client. i’ve known since i’ve seen how this person operates that she woudl be a problem for me at work.
the point is, i came home and sat at the computer, staring, reading news stories, reading gossip, reading blogs, hiding from everyone because i can’t decompress from shit like that.
i guess tomorrow i will find out how much trouble i’m in for how i responded to the asshole. to be fair, everyone hates this person, so it’ll work to my advantage. people will at least understand why i put her in her place because they all want to as well, she’s notoriously high maintenance and stupid. i maintain, however, that it’s an act and she gets free shit by playing dumb. what i don’t get, and it’s how i deal with everyone, is why we don’t just cut her loose. all the accusations of us cheating her, all teh lying about us, all the complaints about losing money working with us, why not just say, i’m sorry it didn’t work out and let it go?
but that’s how i deal with everyone. see, when i am unhappy with a person or situation, i end the relationship. because i’m a grownup. i don’t complain incessantly, i bring up the issues once or twice, try to resolve them, and if they’re not resolved, i move on. i don’t subject the person to constant criticism and accusations, i feel that it’s my responsibiiltty to make myself happy in the relationship. ergo, when i am unhappy, it’s my own damn fault.
and i expect people to do the same. i expect people to state what they want from me, give me a chance to say yes or no or i’ll give it a shot, and then make their decision on whether it’s working. so…. if you don’t like something about me, it’s a vast and wide world, lots of people to hang out with, to fuck, to do business with. sorry it didn’t work out.
i don’t ask for free shit from the businesses i work with. i don’t ask them to accept responsibility for my mistakes. if i’m unhappy with a business, i find another one who does what i need. i have the freedom to work with whomever i please.
so when i’m expected to preserve a relationship that’s to my company’s disadvantage, i don’t really understand that. and i’m not likely to understand that at any point in the future. meaning, reprimands like i got today are likely to continue until i get fired. because when i get an email telling me i’m lying and cheating, my own sense of logic tells me that this person is going to find a company she likes better, which she can’t because we’re the best at what we do and we’re also the most accommodating to her nutjob shit. my gut tells me to tell her sorry it didn’t work out, and let her come back to me and tell me she’s she will pay what we charge. on time. and i just don’t see a problem with that.
but now, i’m aggravated and my kid won’t go to sleep which means i can’t either, and i wish i could just shut everyone out and not have any stimulation but i can’t because i was aggravated by three people today.
and i’m sure i am one of those aggravating people, to some people, on one day or another. and if for that reason alone, i really ought to be better at getting aggravated and letting it go.
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