Friday, September 25, 2009

9.24.9 - Swallow

Now with Clint on Vacation until Wednesday, I can finally take a step back and look at the mess I’ve caused. The other night while closing with him, we began to argue about who was really responsible for starting this. All along I have blamed him, “Don’t start something you can’t finish,” I tell him. He spun around to face me, a broad grin causing his lips to twitch just slightly, “excuse me? I remember looking up into those big doe-like eyes, ‘Can I give you a blow job?’ Yeah, it’s ALL my fault.” My jaw dropped and for several long seconds I was speechless. “No! You were putting me through the worst guilt trip for not having offered sooner!” We both bowed up, yelling at each other’s face, albeit playfully. We were both laughing but I knew it was understood between us that we both had an equal part in igniting this affair. But I hate that word: affair. To me that sounds more like two people secretly, passionately grappling each other in the shadows, sharing deep, meaningful kisses and lying in each other’s arms afterwards. That isn’t what this is. I’m still trying to figure out what this is. When he’s near I feel as if I’ve swallowed a dozen lightening bugs and their little heated bodies ricochet off my ribcage. I’m attracted to him only because he fits into a mold that I’ve created. He ain’t a cowboy, but I can easily close my eyes and imagine him in wranglers, a stetson, and a pair of ropers. His voice carries a hint of a drawl that makes my heart race. Although, I can just as easily be a star co-worker. I can tell he likes it when I pretend there is nothing happening between us. Like yesterday, I happened to notice he was wearing his jeans again. He most have remembered how I oogled him in his jeans the other day. Yesterday he was wearing boots, too. Not cowboy, but work boots. When I noticed them, and he just happened to be talking to me, I visibly shuddered and smiled that secret smile. I was so distracted I almost didn’t notice that he had stopped mid-sentence to grin and watch me, “You like my boots?” With a soft purr, “I like all of it…the jeans, the boots…” And at that time I noticed a customer waiting to be checked out and I rushed over to help them. Afterwards, Clint was standing beside me and asked me if I had seen the new schedule. Of course I noticed! I worked with Clint the day he returned from Vacation on Wednesday! Then I had Friday, Saturday and Sunday off! I was screaming with joy inside. With a casual nod I smiled and said, “Yeah! I have a three day weekend!” I almost dropped to my knees laughing when I noticed his look, but I couldn’t let him know how hungry I was for that Wednesday night. “Well…did you see the hours for Wednesday?” I giggled and nodded. He stepped closer to tell me all he was looking forward to doing to me on Wednesday. Before he left he turned to look at me, “hey!..Wednesday.” and with a leud grasp of his crotch, he left. I could hear his loud bellowing laugh as he walked away.

I’ve also decided that I’m going back out to Red River tonight, Friday. I’ve told Clint and he wants me to promise to be good and be safe. He told me he would call Saturday to find out what happened. I made a promise to myself and an agreement with Daisy, that I would be a good girl. No more trips to the parking lot. I’m NOT going to let Ed Hardy lure me off the dance floor. I’m just looking to dance with a few cowboys and behave myself…to an extent. I asked Daisy to behave Friday night and if she does I won’t try to hold her back Wednesday night with Clint.

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